Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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