you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
