is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
