Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
