A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
