We named our party play list daddy issues
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
