There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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