Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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