don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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