if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
