well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
