We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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