my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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