Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
