I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Green mimosas i think yes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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