i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
