you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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