I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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