Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
