im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
