All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
