I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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