You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
