We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
