Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
