some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
