it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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