i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
