Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
