If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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