So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
