Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
