I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she peed on how many people?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
