Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
