I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
