I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
