And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
