I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
