i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
