Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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