omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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