My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
