You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
