Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
