If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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