there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
