I want to have your abortion
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
