just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
