she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
