Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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