just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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