My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
