After last night, I could never be a politician.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
sex in a hospital.. check
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
